So my best friend at college just got into a major car accident, and her car is totaled. I don’t know all the details, but she is getting a CT scan done right now. The doctors are positive she will be okay though.
When I heard I started crying so hard. She means the world to me, and tonight made me realize how quickly you can lose the people that you love with your whole heart. You truly do need to treasure every minute you have with somebody, because you never know when it might be your last.
It’s so frustrating that the main roadblock to my happiness in life is inside my head. It’s practically made-up. Not real. It’s worry. Worry is a state of anxiety over actual or potential problems. It’s agonizing, overthinking, brooding.
I need to be positive and focus on the things in my life that are actually real, not some potential problem that may not even happen. I let my constant state of worry affect me so much that it infiltrates my dreams and I wake up in full-blown panic mode. Sometimes, I even let my dreams affect how my day goes.
So my goal is to try not to be worried. And even if I am, not to let it affect the way I live my life.
“Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever, you just have to live.”
Sometimes I feel as though I may be guilty of playing a “game” with everyone I truly love in my life.
I push them away, then I pull them close, only to push them away again. I consciously and unconsciously test them to see how much they care. I’m always suspicious, always looking for some kind of discrepancy that will prove they don’t really care about me. I have lots of sudden impulses to do or say things I may or may not really mean if only to bring about a reaction.
It’s like silence causes me more pain than an actual problem. So sometimes I push and push until there’s an actual conflict.
But it’s not a healthy way to behave. So, I need to learn how to trust people and feel confident and secure in my friendships and with my relationship. If I don’t, I could end up losing everyone, including myself.